Harry Potter on One Fine Day
by Phoenix with a Head Cold
Summary: Hilariously funny fic! It's extremely twisted! It's so funny in some parts it's actually scary!


Harry Potter on One Fine Day  
  
By: Chantelle Delacour and Black Sparkles, henceforth know as Red and Lello, due to our new user name RedLelloMM  
  
Lello: This story is so mind-numbingly G that it's A.  
  
Red: This is is weally, WEALLY G!  
  
Lello: really, really G?  
  
Red: no! WEALLY, WEALLY!  
  
Harry: Golly gee what a smashing day! (lopes long the rim of the lake where he notices a butterfly) ooh! What an oh so pretty flutterbye! (skips along after butterfly) lalalalala!  
  
(as harry chases after the "flutterbye" he unfortunately comes across a group of Slytherins)  
  
Malfoy: Harry, old chap! How nice to see you!  
  
Harry: Hello Malfoy! Gee, I'm oh so certain that you have disliked me!  
  
Malfoy: How oh so untrue! Harry, I think we would be jolly good friends!  
  
Harry: I agree! What a delightful proposition!  
  
Crabbe: Yes, and it would be oh so mighty fine if you joined our oh so jolly group!  
  
Goyle: Oh so quite!  
  
Harry: (delighted) wonderful! Let us moo like cows!  
  
Malfoy: Mooo!  
  
Crabbe: Mooo!  
  
Goyle: Mooo!  
  
Harry: Mooo!  
  
Hermione: (hick accent) Hello y'all! It's a mighty fine day for a stroll, ain't it?  
  
Malfoy: Oh yes, Hermione, It's just ever so beautiful out!  
  
Harry: Oh, I have an ever so wonderful idea! Let us all hold hands and skip!  
  
Malfoy: gee whiz, Harry! That is such and oh so delightful plan!  
  
(everyone skips merrily around until they spot a patch of purple flowers)  
  
Malfoy: Oh what an ever so pretty patch of flowers! Let us all pick some and make crowns out of them!  
  
Hermione: Well, I'd say that's a gosh-darn-diddly idea, if I've ever heard one!  
  
Harry: I agree, Malfoy! Let us all pick flowers!  
  
(everyone skips around picking armfuls of flowers as they go, until suddenly, Ron shows up)  
  
Ron: Hi!  
  
Malfoy: Jeepers!  
  
Harry: Good-golly-gosh!  
  
Hermione: Holy cricket!  
  
Crabbe: My, Ron, you gave us such a fright!  
  
Ron: I'm ever so sorry! I had no idea! I came to see if you all wanted to play in the sand box with my stuffed bear, Mr. Fuzzle Wuzzle, and I! (holds up a VERY worn stuffed bear with one eye falling out)  
  
Malfoy: What a splendid idea! Let us all get our bears!  
  
(all pull out bears in similarly worn condition, except Crabbe and Goyle, they pull out stuffed bunnies)  
  
Crabbe: I never sleep a wink without Bunky with me!  
  
Goyle: I know! Same with Fluffster! I have a cold empty feeling when he's not around!  
  
Hermione: (in tears) Why that is ever so sad!  
  
(all proceed to play in sand box with their stuffed bears)  
  
Voldemort: Hello good buddies!  
  
Harry: Hello Voldie! It is oh so nice to see you!  
  
Voldemort: I was just lurking in the shadows when I saw you playing a jolly good game! May I join?  
  
Hermione: Why that is oh so fine Voldie! Do you have an oh so special bear that you would oh so like to share? (A/N: hahaha! That rhymes!) That would be oh so splendid!  
  
Voldie: (pulls out a pink fluffy bunny, similar to Crabbe and Goyles, but has little pink hearts that flash when you press the tail)  
  
Crabbe: How oh so adorable! And by the way, Voldie, would you like a spot of tea?  
  
Voldie: No, teehee, I would like (giggle giggle) a CUP OF TEA!  
  
All: Ahahahaha!  
  
Malfoy: Smashing good joke, Voldie!  
  
Crabbe: (pulls out a colour changing tea set that changes from purple to pink) Tea for all!  
  
Goyle: May I have some cream?  
  
Crabbe: (pours invisible cream into invisible tea)  
  
Harry: (takes a sip of invisible tea) Smashing good!  
  
(out of nowhere, Snape skips by)  
  
Ron: Teehee, that Snape, he's ever so silly!  
  
Malfoy: Oh great-golly-gosh! I ever so agree with you ever so much!  
  
(Crabbe and Goyle are currently playing pattycake)  
  
Hermione: Oh my, I would ever so much enjoy to play pattycake!  
  
Harry: And I would ever so enjoy playing with you, ever so much!  
  
(Harry and Hermione start playing pattycake, Malfoy is busy making a sandcastle)  
  
Voldie: I have an ever so wonderful idea!  
  
Ron: What so?  
  
Voldie: I say we grab hands and twirl!  
  
Ron: Capital idea, Voldie!  
  
(Ron and Voldie begin to twirl)  
  
Snapie: Hello Harry! May I build a sandcastle with you?  
  
Harry: I'm ever so certain you can, Snapie, old boy!  
  
Hermione: Good-golly-gosh! Now I have no one to play with!  
  
Malfoy: If it is all right with you, I'm ever so certain I could play with you!  
  
Hermione: Why Malfoy, I'm sure that would be oh so delightful!  
  
(Hermione and Malfoy hold hands and skip throught the forest, gaily humming all the way)  
  
Crabbe: Say Goyle, I have a smashing good idea!  
  
Goyle: Whatever would it be, Crabbe?  
  
Crabbe: I say we do our homework! What say you, old chap?  
  
Goyle: Smashing! (pause) Will there be biscuits?  
  
Crabbe: Of course! For what is homework without biscuits?  
  
Goyle: Right then, tally-ho!  
  
(Crabbe and Goyle take off into the school)  
  
Snapie: What a wonderful sandcastle, Harry!  
  
Harry: Why thank you! I am partial to the right tower, myself, what say you Snapie, old boy?  
  
Snapie: I'm ever so certain I just told you! (covers mouth with one hand) heeheehee  
  
(Voldie and Ron are still twirling)  
  
Ron: Voldie, I'm ever so certain that I'm feeling a tid bit nauseous!  
  
Voldie: Oh, well I'm ever so certain that I can fix that for you!  
  
Ron: Can you?  
  
Voldie: I'm ever so certain that I can!  
  
Ron: Would you?  
  
Voldie: I'm ever so certain that I will!  
  
Ron: Would now be an appropriate time, if not we could always reschedule.  
  
Voldie: Hmm, now does sound like a good time, doesn't it?  
  
Ron: Indeed, and I do feel like I'm going to throw up!  
  
Voldie: Oh, yes, you are looking a bit green!  
  
Harry: Hmm, Snapie, is it just me or are they stalling?  
  
Snapie: It appears to be.  
  
Harry: My, is that a swallow?!  
  
Snapie: My, it appears to be!  
  
Harry: And look! It tis carrying a coconut!  
  
Snapie: A coconut? How seemingly impossible!  
  
Harry: It appears to be so!  
  
Snapie: Is it an African or European swallow?  
  
Harry: I am certain I cannot tell.  
  
Snapie: Then how are we to tell?  
  
Harry: I have an idea! (to bird) Oh birdy! Can you quite so tell us what type of bird you are?  
  
Bird: I am a swallow! (noticeable French accent)  
  
Snapie: African or European?  
  
Bird: I am French! Why do you think I have this outrageous accent?!  
  
Snapie: So, you are European then?  
  
Bird: Ahaha! (to Harry) I speet on your muther's grave! You look of a porcupine! And your friend, Sirius, he ese like an evil knnnnig-git!  
  
Everyone: (gasp)  
  
Bird: What is ete?  
  
(By the way, Ron and Voldie are still twirling and arguing over when to stop)  
  
(Crabbe and Goyle run out of castle)  
  
Goyle: This is G-G-G!  
  
Crabbe: And you were oh so mean to our very good friend!  
  
Bird: Oh shutup!  
  
(With this Voldie "accidentally" let go of Ron)  
  
Everyone: (gasp)  
  
Ron: (flying) I'm flying! Flap! Flap! I am a seagull!  
  
Hermione: You said the "sh-word"!  
  
Bird: Huh?  
  
Hermione: (eves dart around) (whispers)...shutup...  
  
Everyone: (gasp)  
  
Snapie: Hermione! That is ever such a naughty word!  
  
Harry: How ever could you say such an oh-so-naughty word?  
  
Hermione: Gee willakers! I'm ever so sorry! Can you ever forgive me?  
  
Voldie: Hermione! I've never heard of such an oh so horrible thing being done! I'm oh so ashamed!  
  
Harry: (blinks) Is it just me, or was that a bit ironic?  
  
Crabbe: What ever do you mean Harry?  
  
Harry: Nevermind...  
  
Ron: (still "flying") I'm oh so talented!  
  
Malfoy: Gosh-diddly-osh! Where did my very best friend Ron go?  
  
Voldie: I'm quite certain that he's flying!  
  
Hermione: Flying?  
  
Voldie: Yes, I'm ever so certain!  
  
Goyle: Oh, good gracious! There he is!  
  
Malfoy: Ron, could you do me an ever so important favor?  
  
Ron: I would be oh so delighted!  
  
Malfoy: Could you please get rid of this oh so rude bird?  
  
Ron: Of course, I wish only to make my friends ever so happy!  
  
Malfoy: Spiffing!  
  
Ron: Bird, would it trouble you oh so much if you left?  
  
Bird: Yees it would you seelly, seelly boy!  
  
Ron: Shoo, you naughty, naughty bird!  
  
Bird: (flies away muttering under its breath)  
  
Ron: Oh no! I'm fearful that I may soon fall!  
  
Hermione: Goodness! Ron, please be oh so very careful!  
  
Voldie: Yes, do Ron! We wouldn't want you to be too dreadfully hurt!  
  
Harry: Yet again, does anyone see the iron in this statement?  
  
Ron: Irony?  
  
Harry: Nevermind...  
  
Ron: (falls) Oh no! I'm dreadfully afrain I'm falling!  
  
Snapie: Ron! Oh diddily dear! I shall hope to catch you!  
  
(Snapie runs foreward under Ron and catches him)  
  
Ron: Why Snapie, I do believe you have saved me!  
  
Snapie: Why yes, I have! Now let us go frolic about the castle!  
  
Ron: Let us make it so, carry on!  
  
(Snapie and Ron skip off towards the castle)  
  
Crabbe: My, after a fright like so I would so enjoy to finish my homework!  
  
Goyle: Oh so so! I definitely agree!  
  
(each skip arm in arm back to the castle)  
  
Hermione: Oh I ever so agree with them and I do believe I must go read Hogwarts, A History again. Tata!  
  
Malfoy: (waves vigorously back) Buh bye!  
  
(Malfoy, Harry, and Voldie are now building an oh so pretty castle in the sand when out of nowhere Bambi runs out of the woods)  
  
Bambi: Mamma! Mamma, where are you? Mamma?! (runs back into the woods)  
  
Voldie: Oh dear! Who would kill such a poor innocent creature in such an ever so horrible way?!  
  
Harry: Um...irony? Anyone?  
  
Malfoy: (blink)  
  
Voldie: What do you ever so mean?  
  
Harry: Uh, nevermind.  
  
Malfoy: Oh Harry, Voldie. I must tell you ever so much, in my new Muggles Studies class, we baked cookies!  
  
Voldie: (claps hands) Yay! Yay! Cookies!  
  
Harry: Oh delish!  
  
Malfoy: And they're...(holds out plate of cookies) gingerbread men!  
  
Harry: (grabs cookie) Look at me! I am a lumberjack!  
  
Malfoy: (holds out his cookie) I shall be the captain of an oil tanker!  
  
Voldie: And my cookie is an environmentalist!  
  
Harry: Teehee, oh Voldie, you are oh so silly! (takes a bite of gingybread mans leg which is covered in sand) Mmm! Scrumdiddilyumptious!  
  
Voldie: Yum-diddely-ishicous!  
  
Malfoy: I am oh so proud of my cookies!  
  
Harry: And I am ever so sure that I am proud of you!  
  
Voldie: (looks at cookie) I think I am in love...  
  
(scene changes to a field of daisies, Voldie is wearing a white gown with a crown of daisies and is frolicking with his oh o lovely gingerbread man)  
  
(whimsical romance music)  
  
Voldie: (holding gingiemmans hand) Teeheehee!  
  
Gingieman: ...  
  
(they are currently running through the flowers)  
  
Voldie: (smiles at gingiebreadman)  
  
Gingieman: ...  
  
(now they are twirling in the flowers)  
  
Voldie: Ahaha!  
  
Gingieman: ...  
  
(now they are laying in the flowers)  
  
Voldie: Oh gingie, I had such an ever so wonderful day!  
  
Gingieman: ...  
  
Voldie: (sighs) Teehee!  
  
(back with Malfoy and Harry)  
  
Harry: Malfoy, do you fancy a game of cricket?  
  
Malfoy: Lovely! We can play a lively game of cricket before e-ven-ing tea!  
  
Harry: Golly-gosh-diddely-gee! That sounds ever so fantastic! Let us procede!  
  
Malfoy: Yes, yes! Let us!  
  
(Malfoy and Harry skip off into the sunset)  
  
THE END  
  
Sorry to all the English people we may have offended, but we are ignorant, pompous teenagers who have seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail way too many times. Not to mention the fact that we're obsessed with Harry Potter. We think this is about as G as it gets, except for that nasty bird...well think of that bird as those hyenas in the Lion King and then it is G, so there! 


End file.
